The (un)Golden Globes

The Golden Globes are in their 81st year of recognizing outstanding achievement in motion pictures and television.

Except that Sunday night’s award show was far from gold. It was literally bronze AT BEST.

Nobody is talking about how amazing the winners were (Barbie and Oppenheimer being the big dogs of the night), because no one can get past how devastatingly lame the host monologue was.

Award shows are used to the room being kind of ~hehe haha here’s a sympathy laugh because we are very rich~ and it’s certainly not uncommon for hosts to crack jokes at the expense of people in the room at said shows. The last hosts to ever go viral for a GOOD reason were Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Who I guess were busy this year?

I hope whatever they had on the calendar was important because we all paid the price.

We aren’t here to shade the host. I can only speak for myself, but if I was put on stage in front of Hollywood’s biggest stars I would certainly soil myself and go non-verbal. There would be no time for me to take a cheap shot at Taylor Swift (he was wrong for that though fr).

So this isn’t about Jo Koy. I can only assume that he did his best.

It’s just that, as a society, we may be getting a little sick of sarcasm and laughing at the expense of other people.

Join me in saying… FINALLY. 🙏🏼

The best jokes of the night, weren’t jokes at all. But rather totally human moments that made us all feel something.

Moments like:

• Brie Larson meeting Jennifer Lopez on the red carpet made me cry.

• Kieran Culkin’s indigestion burps into the mic were so relatable.

• Emma Stone doing literally anything makes me light up.

• Lily Gladstone’s acceptance speech had us feeling prouder for someone we don’t know than I thought possible.

• Yorgos Lanthimos excitedly informing Bruce Springsteen that they have the same birthday was too pure for words.

• Jennifer Lawrence mouthing “if I don’t win, I’m leaving” when the camera panned by is actual comedy.

• Cillian Murphy wiping lipstick from his face after his wife’s smooches reminded us that they’re really just people.

Whether you’re creating content or casually talking to your girlfriends… Taking shots at other people is actually so painfully unfunny.

It’s out.

Should any of us ever trend on Twitter, may it be for making people feel really good.

Xo, The Salesgirls

PS. You know what didn’t flop? The outfits. Here are a few looks that made a Salesgirl want to walk the red carpet: